I have a secret and I'm tried of keeping it in......

Oh my, where do I begin?

In March of 2014, my marriage came to an end. It was a devastating time for me and I did the only thing I thought would help me get over it, I dated. And I dated a lot. Some a little more serious than others.

My last date came a week before Christmas. I met this very cute and seemingly nice guy at a karaoke bar while I was out on a girls night. We got to talking and he asked if I'd meet him for a late meal (red flag #1). The "date" seemed to be going very well and I started to really like the guy. After we were done eating, he walked me to my car. As I was about to leave, he stopped me and asked if I'd like to sit and talk some more, in his car (red flag #2). I was hesitant but lonely, I hadn't had someone to talk to in a while. I missed the companionship, the communication. I told myself that I was being too paranoid. Besides, we were in a public place, there's no way he'd try anything inappropriate. But I couldn't have been more wrong.

I was sexually assaulted that night.

After what felt like an eternity, he let me go and went on his merry way. I felt immediate shame and kept telling myself that it was all my fault. I was stupid and careless. I took all the blame.

This went on for months.

Luckily, I had girlfriends that I confided in almost immediately and they talked me into pressing charges. Let me tell you, if you haven't gone through that, it's one of the most emotionally exhausting and heart wrenching things a person can go through. I had to tell my story over and over, I had to call the guy and listen as he lied over and over, and I went home feeling even more ashamed. I lived in fear for 3.5 months, wondering if he was going to retaliate for me saying something to the police. That may not seem like a long time, but when you are legitimately scared for your life, it is. I told myself I wasn't going to date cause I needed to work on "me" but the truth was, I was scared to death to go on another date, afraid that it would happen again, and that it would much worse the next time.

The longer I was alone, the stronger I felt, the less afraid I was, and the more empowered I became.

Now, I don't write this for attention, pity, or sympathy. I write this for YOU. The one sitting there holding onto a secret, too afraid to let it out. The one reading this, feeling exactly as I felt. The one wishing you had someone, anyone, to talk to. Please, if you've been assaulted in any way, let it out, talk about it. Lets make this issue less taboo, less "uncomfortable".

You are not to blame. That "person" who had so little respect for you, who couldn't be bothered to see you as a person.... They are to blame! Don't carry their burden or their secret anymore. Let the world know that you are a warrior because you are!